Those of us who have lived through this disease as parents often have what I call an “AA Mommy Moment.” A friend of mine likes to say “once a hem/onc mom, always an hem/onc mom.” I don’t think she “likes” to say it but….. I think you know what I mean. We are the moms who think about neutrophils, hemoglobin levels, scrutinize as possible GvHD all rashes on the body that show up out of nowhere, etc. These moments also consist of reactions that seem to be of an overreactive nature, out of character, and unnecessary.
I’ll be having a lot of these moments this weekend as I guard and protect Naomi from illness in hopes of keeping her from being hospitalized this weekend. I will admit to having PTSD after the first transplant and having many of these thoughts way past the necessary timeframe for them. I’m going to start blogging then here for my record and to let others with AA family know they are not alone!
So last night’s AA Mommy Moment. I woke from a deep sleep and heard Naomi cough once. I put my hand on her head to feel for a fever and was thankful she felt cool. I layed there in the dark paralyzed with fear that it could be a fungal infection.
We share a kitchen with 2 other families. There was a family out there last night hanging out for about 2 hours. We avoided the area while they were there. We usually avoid crowded areas just because of her weak immune system but we practically ran through that hallway last night and took two flights upstairs to the general resource kitchen for food because we heard one or a few people in our kitchen coughing and sniffling. So, my AA Mommy Moment was to be scrubbing the kitchen with disinfecting wipes at 11pm so we could have some snacks in our kitchen.
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Totally understand. Hugs & prayers.